Wednesday, 22 October 2014


There are three very important dates or days for every individual; birthdays, marriage anniversary (priestly anniversaries for those that embraced chastity) and the not so pleasant death day. The first two are remarkable in the life of any individual and where resources permit, celebrated in grand style under a special jubilee name depending on the number of years being celebrated.
Jubilees are named depending on the number of years in question as follows: Wood (5 years), Tin (10 years), Crystal (15th), China (20th), Silver (25th), Pearl (30th), Ruby (40th), Gold (50th), Diamond (60th), Platinum (70th), and Titanium (100th).
It is worrisome how rarely, these names sound in our present age especially in the case of marriages. Most marriages today start out very promising but all of a sudden flip-flops and crash land on a dead end, even before it ever gets to kiss a Wood or Tin.
Often, I sit and ponder, “How did water get into the coconut? What has led to demeaning of marital vows? Our parents enjoyed marriages that span long years, sometimes brought to an end by death but the case is different today.”
Only recently, I came to a conclusion that it must be one of two things or both; it was either they were ill-informed about the institution or they played down some salient yet vital points in the course of courtship.

So before you seal your mind on whether to say I DO or I DON’T, here are some factors you should consider:
You may have at one time or another heard various versions of these sentences from a girl, “It doesn’t matter if he has money or not. What I want is a responsible man who would love and care for me.”

Believe me, the moment you get to the point of no return, only then will you realise money has always mattered and will continue to matter. A candid advice, you young man planning to tie the knot should observe yourself. If you find it difficult giving yourself three rich and sumptuous meal every day, it would be best you held out a little longer and work on strengthening your financial muscle.

As a bachelor, if you don’t have, you may decide to go on a compulsory fast. But as a father and husband, I wonder how you would force your wife and kids into starvation – except if your system of government is tyranny. The moment you pull off bachelorhood and embrace family, expenditures are bound to mount and will climb higher with each new birth.

I know a man (name withheld) who used to sell petrol in black market to survive. He wasn’t rich but looked good at that time. Years passed and he felt he was aging and took a wife. Today, he sells buns with a basket. Worse of all; he now dresses like a man who narrowly escaped lunacy. I didn’t put this here to mock him but to drive home a point. Marriage is not a factor of age but a factor of when all the other factors especially finance have been put in place.

Naturally, this singular factor shouldn’t be on the list or considered even, but, in Nigeria and as a Nigerian getting married to another Nigerian so that both of you would live in Nigeria, it matters a lot.

Like I mentioned in one of my previous post, some tribes see themselves as superior while others to them are abominations and misfit. The uniting cloak of Nigerians was rendered between nineteen sixty seven and nineteen seventy and the friction will forever live among us. Fingers would always be pointed.

While the romance is hot, make out time to learn the tradition of your partner and wherever whenever they differ. Ask yourself, “Can I conform with this or in the case where I can’t, will I be able to modify it to my satisfaction?”

In the long run, you will find out you didn’t get married to the girl alone but to her family and her community at large. Very few inter-tribal or inter-ethnic marriages in Nigeria cross the Silver mark, majority crash after few births. Also bear in mind that ethnic frictions are bound to intervene, discuss the various possibilities among yourself and also try to phantom how best to handle them when they do come.
If your aim of getting married is to prove a point, to drink at the table of MEN, then you need not bother to get married at all. A number of ideologies have fuelled or caused people to venture into marriage when deep down, they know they are not ready.

One of such idea is embedded in according married men respect as responsible men. The lighted cannon on this is that it makes marriage appear like an achievement. But that is not what marriage is.
Let me help you to think this through: achievements are rewards people get for working so hard and probably attaining success in that field. One thing common with achievements is that, once the applause dies, the awardee shelves it and goes out in pursuit of another. Now you decide if that is what your definition of marriage is – I do know that marriage is noble and was ordained by God.

If I ever tell you to mention your achievements and along the line, you say, ‘and I am married’, I will shake my head and walk away. Marriage isn’t something to brag with, rather, a model to teach. Marriage should be in the picture when you are trying to buttress your CV, trying to show your sense of responsibility and your years of successful marriage should add a plus to your managerial skill.
What that idea that marriage is an achievement does – especially to most ladies who view it as the summit of their existence – is, makes them woe young promising young men into giving them their surnames. Some go extra miles to pin their targets down with pregnancies.

For young men, it makes the ones that are obviously write-off in all spheres of life – socially, emotional, financially, spiritually, and so on – to take up a wife just to have an achievement tagged to their once worthless names.

I however laugh at ebullient and vibrant young men that truncate their hustle in the name of love and marriage. Concrete jungle shall be their home, cold ground their bed and stone their pillow.

Finally, all these wasn’t said to stand you between I DO and I DON’T, to scare you from getting married, rather, to prepare you for the task ahead. I don’t hate marriage as some may presume already but its fall. After you might have read this, I don’t assume you would agree with all of it and that’s why the comment box is just below for you to tell me your own side of the story.